You know that feel when you're the only
female in some tech course & get the best grade on a test the dudes failed? Or when you're top dps in a pug raid and speak in
vent for the first time? It's kind of like this:
or maybe this:
and it's awesome, right? In both cases one could say you're incognito: in the class your achievement is hidden, in the game your gender is, but the moment you get to reveal that you are both the girl and the winner is sweet indeed.
I've been thinking about this trope lately and how it relates to the issue of girls/women in geek culture. I'm sure I'm not the only female who often participates in this culture either without revealing her gender (that "dude" who doesn't talk in vent) or, when her gender is known, feels the urge to keep quiet about her accomplishments. Another example I came across recently was in "She - Understanding Feminine Psychology" by Robert A. Johnson, which is based on the tale of Psyche and Eros. An interesting read, but the essentialism is irritating (that's how it goes with Jungian stuff). At one point in the myth Psyche is given the quest of retrieving fleece from the (violent and dangerous) golden rams, she sneaks in under cover of darkness and gathers the fleece left on the trees. If we are to take Johnson's word for it, this illustrates how a woman should take just enough "logos, the masculine rational scientific energy... for her purposes without a power play" because apparently to do so openly would be to "leave much destruction in her wake".
Ugh. Not even gonna touch that one.
I relate to Psyche, though, in my way. I relate when the blueprints I drew up are approved only when presented by a male friend; when I find remaining androgynous online is the best way to have my ideas heard and evaluated on their own merits, when I see female public figures judged on aspects of their appearance and personal lives that would never matter if they were male. I want to sneak in at night, dress in drag, pretend my microphone is broken, simply pursue my goals without the burden of sexism. So, when possible, I do.
But I can't help but wonder why this story has such mainstream acceptability. I love Tolkien, but I'm not about to call him a feminist, nor do I find Disney movies (or Greek mythology, or Jungian psychology) to be the ultimate in enlightenment. These stories are inspiring, but if you're the dude who never talks in vent - when do start talking? Only the greatest heroine, after all, can be openly female without setting feminism back! Once you're known, your accomplishments become suspect. You risk having them attributed to someone else. If you're only second best, better to stay hidden. If you're still learning, do it quietly (if my examples seem unrelated, think "women participating in male-dominated activities" - either in work or play. Work and play seem to have a lot of overlap in the geek world, anyway).
You also can expect to have your motives questioned. Coming back to Eowyn, I have to think of how her "crush" on Aragorn is seen as a flaw, how some critics seem to feel the need to explain it away in order to redeem her. The thing I don't get about this is Aragorn himself is (in part) trying to impress a woman. In fact, impressing a love interest seems to be a perfectly respectable motive for a man (not to mention I like to read this as a projection of Eowyn's shadowed "masculine side", and her stint as Dernhelm as a way of integrating this - but that's another matter). The point is, the understandable desire to impress someone you share interests with and find attractive is suspect in a female. The problem with the "fake geek girl" is not that she is nothing like the real geek girl, but that the distinction is too blurry. It comes too close to saying that an attraction to geeks makes one a fake geek (apply that to guys and see how silly it sounds!) I would argue that a girl who wants to attract geeky guys probably is a geek, but that would go against the great and eternal law that the highest ambition of every female is to get as much attention from as many males as possible, whoever those males may be and whatever her own sexual orientation, relationship status, age, interests, etc.. You know what I mean.
So yeah: we can't always feel comfortable pursuing our interests openly, and the compromises we make by pursuing them in a subtle way, though they might help us as individuals, work to maintain the "boys only" image these activities have. I'm not judging: I like to learn, work and play without dealing with sexism the whole time - but perhaps some of that burden is self-imposed. Perhaps it's better to be an openly female n00b than to pretend your mic is broken until you top the charts. I don't know. Do weigh in. There is a small chance I will buy you one of these
or maybe this:
and it's awesome, right? In both cases one could say you're incognito: in the class your achievement is hidden, in the game your gender is, but the moment you get to reveal that you are both the girl and the winner is sweet indeed.
I've been thinking about this trope lately and how it relates to the issue of girls/women in geek culture. I'm sure I'm not the only female who often participates in this culture either without revealing her gender (that "dude" who doesn't talk in vent) or, when her gender is known, feels the urge to keep quiet about her accomplishments. Another example I came across recently was in "She - Understanding Feminine Psychology" by Robert A. Johnson, which is based on the tale of Psyche and Eros. An interesting read, but the essentialism is irritating (that's how it goes with Jungian stuff). At one point in the myth Psyche is given the quest of retrieving fleece from the (violent and dangerous) golden rams, she sneaks in under cover of darkness and gathers the fleece left on the trees. If we are to take Johnson's word for it, this illustrates how a woman should take just enough "logos, the masculine rational scientific energy... for her purposes without a power play" because apparently to do so openly would be to "leave much destruction in her wake".
Ugh. Not even gonna touch that one.
I relate to Psyche, though, in my way. I relate when the blueprints I drew up are approved only when presented by a male friend; when I find remaining androgynous online is the best way to have my ideas heard and evaluated on their own merits, when I see female public figures judged on aspects of their appearance and personal lives that would never matter if they were male. I want to sneak in at night, dress in drag, pretend my microphone is broken, simply pursue my goals without the burden of sexism. So, when possible, I do.
But I can't help but wonder why this story has such mainstream acceptability. I love Tolkien, but I'm not about to call him a feminist, nor do I find Disney movies (or Greek mythology, or Jungian psychology) to be the ultimate in enlightenment. These stories are inspiring, but if you're the dude who never talks in vent - when do start talking? Only the greatest heroine, after all, can be openly female without setting feminism back! Once you're known, your accomplishments become suspect. You risk having them attributed to someone else. If you're only second best, better to stay hidden. If you're still learning, do it quietly (if my examples seem unrelated, think "women participating in male-dominated activities" - either in work or play. Work and play seem to have a lot of overlap in the geek world, anyway).
You also can expect to have your motives questioned. Coming back to Eowyn, I have to think of how her "crush" on Aragorn is seen as a flaw, how some critics seem to feel the need to explain it away in order to redeem her. The thing I don't get about this is Aragorn himself is (in part) trying to impress a woman. In fact, impressing a love interest seems to be a perfectly respectable motive for a man (not to mention I like to read this as a projection of Eowyn's shadowed "masculine side", and her stint as Dernhelm as a way of integrating this - but that's another matter). The point is, the understandable desire to impress someone you share interests with and find attractive is suspect in a female. The problem with the "fake geek girl" is not that she is nothing like the real geek girl, but that the distinction is too blurry. It comes too close to saying that an attraction to geeks makes one a fake geek (apply that to guys and see how silly it sounds!) I would argue that a girl who wants to attract geeky guys probably is a geek, but that would go against the great and eternal law that the highest ambition of every female is to get as much attention from as many males as possible, whoever those males may be and whatever her own sexual orientation, relationship status, age, interests, etc.. You know what I mean.
So yeah: we can't always feel comfortable pursuing our interests openly, and the compromises we make by pursuing them in a subtle way, though they might help us as individuals, work to maintain the "boys only" image these activities have. I'm not judging: I like to learn, work and play without dealing with sexism the whole time - but perhaps some of that burden is self-imposed. Perhaps it's better to be an openly female n00b than to pretend your mic is broken until you top the charts. I don't know. Do weigh in. There is a small chance I will buy you one of these
if you do!
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